This is a quote that I have come across numerous of times on social media and something that I have been resonating with for the past month. I used to have the mindset of Self Love being “softness” and by this I mean, self love, looked like taking long hot luxurious baths, face masks, journaling and the like but recently I have come to realize that is just the tip of the iceberg. Self Love goes so much deeper and it impacts our lives much more than a self care day and a glass of wine.

Self Love means taking the difficult steps to being a better you, taking conscious steps to see a NOTICEABLE difference in a year as opposed to letting life happen and seeing the small difference from year to year. Life is unpredictable and uncertain but part of taking care of your overall sensual wellness being is being aware of the things that you can control and making active moves to progress and reach your goals.

I recently had a birthday and had already made a conscientious decision to want more out of life for myself as opposed to just living day to day and letting life happen! I have decided to write a love story to myself. One where I acknowledge and recognize my attempts to practicing self love so that a year from now, I can reflect on my growth and compare it to goals I have set for myself.

SELF LOVE IS DISCIPLINE – I intend to practice this notion in my everyday life, making the conscience decision to eat better, workout harder, have more sex, laugh more, try out new things, taking accountability and responsibility for my toxic traits as opposed to constantly pointing out others , healing myself from within so that others brokenness cannot affect me – breaking away from the norm.

So often, we go year by year, watching social media and basically following the trends and not really looking into ourselves and really asking ourselves why we are doing the things we are doing – is it for intrinsic satisfaction? Is it extrinsic ? If extrinsic – the rat race of self fulfillment will never end, because you are not living up to your full expectations but to the expectations of others. Ask yourself, “what does self love look like to me?” Is it taking active steps to be better with your finances? Is it wanting to work out ? Is it wanting to be able to say yes or no to more things, creating boundaries with your loved ones / even within a toxic work environment that you cannot yet escape? Ask yourself the alike questions and then break that down further for yourself. Eg, You want to work out more often ?This is the goal – what is the purpose? Better fitness performance? weightloss? mental health ? your purpose for wanting change is the driving force to keep you wanting to do it – I mean, working out absolutely sucks but do I want to be able to run at least 2km without feeling like I might throw up & faint? Fuck Yes – and bonus to this, the more I workout , the better I will look naked!

Discipline is probably the hard part of self love but is the most essential part – to actually be able to control your mind and teach your mind to breakaway from habits you have created and to start learning new habits, not only benefits your brainwaves and your overall life, but once you are able to control your mind, you are able to control a lot more of the immediate things in your life (how you choose to respond to an argument, how much you choose to eat, how much you choose to share with people or even to even say no without an explanation) These are just examples from my life that I find that I battle with because I was not actively practicing this part of self love – I have not being doing the difficult things that need to be done to improve my overall sensual wellness.

Taking these proactive steps does not mean you must be the wicked witch of the west to yourself and others. It means recognizing when you are tired and need rest, it means speaking to yourself differently in the mirror and not in that harsh judgmental, get things done ASAP tone of voice. Take your time to build you and what you like, it takes time. Rome was not built in a day! Balance is the key to most things in life, ying and yang, without good, bad cannot exist and vice versa – balance yourself while striving for near perfection.

This is not a self help kind of blog but I do hope what I have shared will inspire you to ask yourself what you want out of life for yourself – JUST YOURSELF, do not include your partner, children and etc. Everything you do, the goals you set and aim to achieve will benefit your overall sensual being and once you are satisfied within , the people around you wil be happier. In certain cases, you may find some will want to jump off your train ride because you’re not going in the same direction anymore and this is okay. One thing I have learnt being 20something is that life really does have a way of working itself out and if you focus on the things that are important to you and make up your everyday life, while letting the uncontrollable become background noise – the quote, “Self Love is Discipline” won’t be as intimidating as the word “discipline” seems.

Self love is not just about spoiling yourself with some dark chocolate and a bubble bath. It is about choosing to create a life that you do not want to escape from.

With love,

Oshun Sensuality

Xoxo

With today’s life and the constant expectation to be “on” or for instant gratification – it can be difficult to fully enjoy and be present in those intimate moments.

As humans, we often fall habit to routine which can lead to sex becoming “a thing on the to do list” and not a moment of pleasure. By this I mean, one may stick to doing the same positions, same locations and same “type of sex” – vanilla.

So, to break this cycle, one must step out of the comfort zone. You are probably reading this and thinking, “how do I do that when I have a million other things to do?” Although it may not be easy peasy lemon squeezy, it is possible & manageable.

I am a single mom, with a full time day job and running my Oshun Sensual Wellness online store – if anyone feels snowed under – it’s me. However, I find the time for the frisky moments and allow myself to experience pleasure because it makes me a better person all round – I feel more content, happier and motivated to do the long list of mundane things because I allow myself that window of experiencing undeniable orgasmic moments. Here are my five top tips to ensuring you practice, maintain and ENJOY the sensual wellness part of your life.

Break the cycle of habit

Break the normal , everyday cycle of habit – sex should not be a chore. If you are parents or have busy evenings – find time to pleasure yourself or each other in other moments throughout the day – lunchtime quickies, morning showers or spontaneous moments when the opportunity arises – sex does not always have to be drawn out and long – it can be quick, short and satisfying when foreplay is done correctly.

Change locations

By this I mean, if you associate sex with a bed , it can become boring – keep things interesting for yourself or partner. Do something daring and live on the edge, something that gets the adrenaline pumping. Making out in the bathroom at a restaurant/restroom stop and then going home and getting jiggy. If it is self pleasure, you too can do this, by initiating play in a daring place and then going home to get yourself off – moments and experiences like this create a build up, an expectation of greater pleasure. It is unbelievable what the mind can manifest and experience in terms of pleasure when prolonging the act and just teasing yourself or one another.

Communicate

Our sexual preferences and desires change all the time. What you liked a year ago, can drastically change a year later. So communicate these things with your partner or be honest with yourself and try something different. As mentioned, humans are creatures of habit. We often stick with a thing because it works, however changing or trying new things does not mean letting go and forgetting about what you already know but allowing yourself to create and explore new experiences and then integrating the two can take you to different points and worlds of pleasure and happiness.

Use toys

From first hand experience, toys are a real game changer. The stigmata that toys replace penetration or a partner is false – it enhances your sexual experience , be it yourself flying solo or a sexual partner. Toys allow for various and simultaneous pleasure while actually getting it on – women have different ways of getting off as do men – some women enjoy more penetrative styles while having clitorial stimulations and some enjoy anal play while enjoying penetration. EVERYONE is different – find what works for you and if you are unsure – hit me up so that I can guide and assist you in unlocking a world of O’shun like orgasms. Porn is not a real representation of what different women and men experience. Check out the website for some tools www.oshunsensuality.co.za or contact me for some guidance on getting the right tool.

Confidence

There are loads of books, sexual experts / coaches to guide and assist with this . Explore yourself , learn where and how your body works. Take a mirror and check out your intimate pieces – BE COMFORTABLE in your skin. Have sex or foreplay facing the mirror. Watch yourself while you masturbate – seeing yourself in the highest moments of pleasure can bring great self confidence in allowing yourself to, communicate your desires, break habitual cycles , take risks in seizing the opportunities outside of your mental norms.

Sex is normal, masturbation is normal and one should not feel ashamed or chained to a mental state of “this is how I always have sex and I will always have sex this way and not explore other avenues because I do not know much about it and I am going against stereotypes” Knowledge is power, hun. Allow yourself to explore something different, something unique – make your experience different every single time and I promise you, sex will not feel like a to-do or a must thing – it will become a sensual wellness practice that impacts positively on your overall wellness.

XOXO,

Oshun Sensuality.